I will survive... What can be that challenging for me, that complicated and that problematic in the dawn of my life? I own this life and I govern it, who on earth, the god damn earth, can make my life less exciting? Who has the power and urge to do that but me? Why then? Why do I make my days be filled with agony and pain? Why do I make myself too god damn desperate to write such bullshit?
It’s worth livin’ isn’t it? Then why am I not living it? With all the joy and happiness, why not? Maybe I am trying but am too honored to deny my own self, my humble self that doesn’t seek success, wealthy and a social status with an elite lifestyle but happiness. Yes, god damn it I seek sole happiness in life. Then why this ethic behavior, why shaping the poor little life with concern and auto control bullshit.
Why do I have it in my brain, my body and my every single cell? Why do I have boredom in my life? Why is it hard for me to get used to changes in my life if I’ll get used to them too much once in a while so that they’ll make my life harder and harder every now and then.
I know the answer I’m afraid. It’s the drawback of being free, it’s the way damn god controls the mankind, it’s the little virus that keeps man from being perfect.
I need a new life, new people, new roots, new likes and dislikes. New choices shall be made and new headaches shall be beared. I need them and I need them now... I’ll get them you miserable pityfull god, I will not sway you. ‘Cause I’ve got the power, the will and the urge to get what I want from you. I’ll get them, watch and learn...